HaitiLady: The Hard Part is (almost) Over

I was unable to share the news with the kids on the day I had planned due to the lack of having a translator. My oldest child, Aquel, had been angry with me for over a week because of a discipline issue and his attitude and behavior became worse when he overheard the rumors. We had always had a pretty good relationship so this distance between us was very hard for me; especially in light of the new situation. I sensed that he knew and I could not stand going one more day without talking. So, I decided to tell him first, one-on-one. We went up to the school where it was dark and quiet. In my limited Creole, I told him the news. He broke down and cried so hard that I had to cry with him. More than a week's worth of hurt and stress came flooding out for both of us. I tried to explain that the decision had been made and that I would not be back in January. I assured him that I was not mad at him and that I loved him very much. I added that I would still like to stay in touch by letters if he would write back. This gave him a bit of comfort and he calmed down. He said in his best English, "Yes, I will write you and you can help me with my English."
We both talked and cried for the next half hour and ended with a better understanding between each other. He accepted the news and agreed to keep silent until we could tell the rest of the children.
The next day my plans were changed again because no one was available to translate. So, with the other older kids still being distant and the younger ones oblivious, but still very loving, I needed a break to regroup. I took Aquel with me for some alone time and we walked up to the market. He needed some sandals so I bought him a pair. Then we just walked around for a short time off the main road and up in the hills. We took some photos and shared stories with each other. We came back feeling close again and better than before we left.
Yesterday afternoon I finally had the opportunity. I strongly felt that the older children were already told about my leaving or overheard it because they refused to talk to me, they avoided eye contact, and most of the rules were ignored. (Bayonnais is a small community and word gets around fast). I was getting very frustrated because I knew that if they knew something, and I had not told them, they were probably thinking that I did not want them to know. So finally Saint-Victor was available for us to schedule a meeting with the kids and staff. We met with the staff first.
The Watchmen were already in the loop but the women weren't and they cried. I was touched by the tears of the cook because she has only been here a month. Although her cooking has room for improvement, she is very sweet and the kids really like her. To me, that counts.
We talked about the importance of continuing to give the children the best care, to give their full support to leaders of MMM, and to work hard to make this ministry work. I told them that I would do what I could from Texas. One by one they expressed their gratitude for my presence and said they would miss me very much. They all said that they would work extra hard to take care of the children. I hugged each one of them, which was awkward for them, because they are not big huggers. I didn't care, I will miss them too.
I was very anxious and nervous about facing the kids. So, we gathered in the living room, everyone in their own chairs, seated in a circle. I broke the news while Saint-Victor translated line-by-line. They just sat there and stared at me and looked at each other. Some of the older ones were smiling at each other. I was confused. I told Saint-Victor, I don't think they understand what I am saying to them. So he asked if they understood that I was leaving and would not be back. Then one of the younger girls said, "Oh, I thought Saint-Victor said he was leaving!" Everybody started laughing. We realized that Saint-Victor was saying exactly what I said in the first person. So, we asked again, and they just smiled and said, "Yeah, we understand." It was then that I knew for sure that they had been already been told. I was a little sad that they did not hear it from me first, but relieved because I felt that indifference or acceptance was better than eleven crying children.
Then I asked if anyone had any questions. The first question was, "Do we get to keep the television and the DVD player?" The next question was, "Can we have everything in your room that you don't take to Texas?" Of course I answered "Yes" to both and could see their eyes light up. Thanks kids, I'll miss you, too. Ha!
I guess, since they had already been told, they had time to process it for a few days. I know they don't really grasp what this means and probably won't until I officially leave the house with bags in hand. I told them that we have one more week together and I would like to spend it having fun with them. Later in the afternoon and evening, three of the kids came to me at separate times and said they would cry when I left. I told them I would, too, and that it was okay. They seemed to accept that, we hugged and tried to smile.
We had movie night last night and I gave Aquel some lessons on how to use the remotes for the TV and DVD player. He felt special with his new responsibility. It was good for his confidence.
We had a great evening and today was wonderful as well. Everyone has been happy and loving. We played some games, I baked cookies with the older girls, then I finally took the time to teach them how to play Croquette; which they really enjoyed. Since there are only six mallets and balls, I had them partner up and it was so cute to watch them be supportive of each other. I let them believe that everyone who made it to the end was a winner and they all had a great time. We played up in the school because we needed the shade but it really was too small. It worked out well though for the learning process. Next time they plan to use the soccer field when it's not so hot. It was 80 degrees in the shade
with very little wind today.
Even though I was having fun, I was a little stressed because I know I have a room full of stuff that still needs to be sorted and packed. I can only take two suitcases and two carry-ons. A missions group will be coming on Wednesday and someone is trying to coordinate getting my stuff to North Carolina via the ten travelers and then shipped to Texas. If I can't get it together, then I have to walk away from most of my things. It was my plan to take things (that weren't supposed to come here) back a little at a time over the next year. I really can't see how to get this done and also spend some quality time with the kids. Decisions, decisions....! I keep saying to myself, "It's just stuff!" I'm sure I will figure it out.
Anyway, the good news is, the kids are fine today. December 9th will be a different story when I leave on Sunday afternoon with the missions team to go to Port Au Prince. Our plane leaves the next morning.
I want to thank all of you who have been sending words of support and encouragement. I also want to thank you for your prayers. We have all been functioning with a sense of peace. I still have six more opportunities to say, "I'll do that tomorrow." :) For now, I will just enjoy the kids.